October 30, 2014


Most of my family went to Disneyland last week for Mickey's Halloween Party. It had been way too long since I'd been to Disneyland. We used to have annual passes, but it's been a while since we've indulged in that extravagance. Seeing Silas taking everything in and LOVING it makes me think we need to revisit that decision. We had a blast, dressed as dinosaurs and pirates and star wars characters, and then trick-or-treating all about Disneyland. This Halloween Party thing that Disneyland has going on is pretty cool. We walked onto every ride and came home with enough candy that we don't have to buy any for our trick-or-treaters tomorrow night. This will be an annual Halloween tradition for our family for sure. I just don't think I can wait a whole year to take Silas back again. I've got oodles of pictures from our fabulous day, so sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Here we go....He was enthralled with the parade.Not sure what's going on in this pictures, but I kind of love it...
Of course I wanted to have a cute family picture in front of the Disneyland castle, but this is what I got...
My mom had been holding Silas, and he was pretty pissed when I took him from her to get this shot. I tried really hard to get him to cooperate... 

I'm still trying to sort through my feelings about the fact that I am wearing shorts at 11:00 at night in late October and not freezing. On the one hand, RAD! I'm not a fan of being cold, and my stamina for Disneyland after dark is greatly increased when I am comfortably warm. On the other hand, I would love to be wearing cozy Fall clothes and sipping on a hot drink, while pushing my bundled up babe around the park in his stroller.
But, this is the dilemma of my life. I am constantly vascilating between wanting to move to Hawaii where it's never cold and where the water is always warm enough to swim, and wanting to move to the East Coast where I can see the leaves changing and experience ALL the seasons. Does the grass really always have to be greener on the other side? In this case, it literally is...in both places.
But, then again, neither of those places have Disneyland, where the greenest of grasses exists. So let's be real, I'm not going anywhere. Afterall, whenever you are in need of some seasonal festivities, Disneyland has it all....even snow. And, while we may not experience 4 very different seasons, we do get enough variety to appease our need for change. So, here we are, Nick still surfing without wearing a wetsuit and me staring longingly at my Fall boots each day, then slipping on my sandals once again. And I'm just going to go ahead and let myself feel ALL the feelings on this one...the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because, really, we've got it pretty good.
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October 28, 2014

Finding Life in Infertility

There was so much life in my home last night. I woke up to empty wine glasses scattered about my living room and dishes filling my sink. And, I sat and cried in gratitude. I have found this beautiful infertility and adoption community. These women filled my home last night, some who have been coming since the beginnings of this group 6 months ago, and some whose faces and stories were brand new to me.  But regardless of what history or lack of history we have with each other, we were instantly and eternally bonded because we share each other's deepest pain and greatest passion through our infertility and adoption journeys. I adore these women.

 My mind is always racing and processing for a while after these monthly gatherings. Each time blows me away with how God is moving and how God can turn pain into purpose. My thoughts woke me up before the sun and the rest of my house this morning. As I sat and reflected in the quiet stillness of the morning, I started to hear giggles coming from the back of the house. The quiet giggles quickly turned into loud happy yells. I walked in to get my munchkin out of bed, and his delight when I opened that door melted me. He reached his arms up to hug me, and in my arms was where he wanted to stay all morning. We played in the backyard. He held my hand as he walked, contemplating letting go, but just not quite ready yet. He'd play on his own for a couple minutes, then crawl over to me to give me a hug or lay on my lap. Back to play. Back to me...over and over. He has my heart.

There is life after infertility. 
There is life in the middle of infertility.  
I have found it, and I am so very grateful. 

Morning greetings....
...and outside play time.
If you are experiencing infertility and don't have a community of people who are in the same boat, I hope you find one. If you can't find one, maybe you could start one. I've been amazed at how many people have come into my life since I started praying for a community like this.  Being able to share with people who walk this same road has helped me find peace with infertility. 

Also, about adoption. If it's on your radar, and you're struggling with whether or not to take that leap, just do it...whether infertility is a part of your story or not. Adoption is the most amazing miracle I have ever experienced. It gave me a son who far exceeds my wildest dreams, and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for the infertility that became a part of the story that led us to him. He has brought joy and life to our home and filled my heart to overflowing.
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October 15, 2014

The Pumpkin Patch

Nick and I took Silas to the pumpkin patch on Monday. This pumpkin patch also happens to be a petting zoo with a train you can ride. Every little kid's dream, I'm sure.  Silas's favorite part of this place was the corn box. The train ride and the animals, not so much. Now, here is a dilemma I am facing with this post. Do I mix all the pictures up, so as not to bore you with multiple pictures in the same spot all at once, or do I lump all the like pictures together so that you can have the full chronological effect of our outing? This issue has been occupying way too much space in my brain with my blog posting lately, and I am perplexed about which is the preferred method.  This is important stuff, because, as Nick said yesterday (in his most annoyed voice), "This is not a fun family outing. This is a photo shoot." I hate to drop such a heavy matter on you, but please take a moment to ponder this for yourself and weigh in with your valued opinions on the matter. To accommodate all opinions, including the conflicting ones in my head, I chose to do a combination of lumping and mixing. On with it....Even though he never cracked a smile, the beginning of the train ride was pretty smooth. By the end though, he was grabbing me and trying to claw his way out of his seatbelt.Silas has gotten really into biting these days. That T-Rex was all the inspiration he needed for this photo. Fitting, since his Halloween costume this year is a T-Rex.  You can see last year's trip to the same pumpkin patch here. What a difference a year makes...I miss my tiny Batman baby! But, this little toddler is pretty freaking fun.

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