Two Years

Two years ago today, my sweet Grandpa died. 

 (Some people may laugh at my adjective choice in describing my Grandpa, but I assure you, it is an accurate adjective.  Though, there are many others, some of which may be antonyms to the word sweet).

I relive the night he died often in my head.  I rushed to his house from work that day, knowing he was not doing well and wanting to be with him for as long as I could be.  When I got there, he was resting.  I came in, held his hand, and said hi to him.  He was weak, but he opened his eyes, looked right at me and smiled.  We headed home later that night to get some sleep.  When the phone rang sometime after eleven, I knew.  My mom was calling to tell us the news I'd been dreading.  When I got off the phone with her, I was sitting up in bed, unsure of what to do.  Nick, knowing me all too well and the need that I have to fix things, just grabbed me and said, “Mindy, there’s nothing you can do.  You just have to cry.”  So, I fell back onto my bed and cried while he held me.  I can’t think about that moment without crying still.  We got dressed and drove to my grandparents to say a final good-bye to Grandpa and to spend the rest of the night with my family.  

The weeks that followed were bittersweet.  Bitter for obvious reasons…we were grieving Grandpa and dreading living life without him.  Sweet because we were engulfed by family. I practically lived at my grandparents’ house that first week, and family was in and out and always around.  Seeing how everyone cared for and comforted each other during those weeks was something I will never forget.  There were lots of hugs (highly unusual in my extended Carmack family) and lots of “I love you’s” (even more out of the ordinary for the Carmack clan).  We sat around and told story after story about Grandpa.  We laughed, we cried, we felt sad and happy, angry and thankful.  It was a whole mess of emotions that don’t go together, and we actually talked through them.  
We were in it together and that is how we got through it.

I love this family I am in.  I love my Grandpa for helping make this family into what it is.  

We miss him and love him, and heaven feels closer having him there.

See some of my favorite posts about Grandpa here, here, here and here.

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