Beat the Heat

We've had a pretty hot May. Like summer hot. Like several days of 100 degree weather. We live close enough to the beach that we don't have a real need for air conditioning, but on these days, we were roasting. That meant, we spent most of these days in water or by water. The beach and our little blow up pool have served us well.

This is Silas's little friend Molly. They adore each other.  Her family is moving to Georgia next month and she wants to take Silas with her. I don't think he'd complain.

 

Bring on summer!
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Another Family Visit

Last week, Nick's sister and her husband came to visit us.  Well, really they came to visit Silas, but we were also the lucky recipients of their company.  While they were here, we had a few adventures.  We took them to what is now my new favorite breakfast spot, Ellie's Table, in San Clemente, then walked along the beach for a bit.  The next day, we rented kayaks. Seeing Silas in a life vest just about killed me. He was so stinking cute. Time went by fast, and Molly and Eddie were already on their way home too quickly. But not before a very fun time enjoying the beach and the beautiful weather.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
He's the cutest little beach bum.
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Happy Mother's Day to Moms Who Are Waiting

Today I am thankful to be a mom. I am thankful that this day no longer brings the sting it once did for so many years.  But, I have felt a weight this past week, as Mother's Day approached, knowing this day is anything but happy for so many people. If that's you, please know you are not forgotten. My heart is heavy for those who are still waiting, for those who have lost children or mothers or dreams of having babies, for those whose adoption failed, and for those who are trudging through infertility. If you are in a place of waiting, I know your pain. I know how much it hurts to see other moms who get to hold their babies. I know how you feel unseen, invisible. I know how it feels like your pain won't end. I know how hard church is today.  You don't have to go.
But, please know that you are not forgotten. I see you, and I honor you today. I believe you are already a mom. You know what it is like to ache for your babies. You know the anguish of being apart from them. You fight for them. You fight in ways most women will never know. You cry for them. You worry for them. You dream for them. You pray for them. And someday, the longing and the aching and the fighting for your babies will give you the greatest appreciation for them and make motherhood all the sweeter.  It does get better, and you will be a stronger, better version of yourself because of the struggle you went through to get there.  You ARE a mother. And this is your day too.
So, Happy Mother's Day to ALL women! You are beautiful and strong, and you deserve to be celebrated.

And Happy Mother's Day to my amazing mama too! I wouldn't be the mom I am today if it weren't for her.
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Thoughts on Mother's Day and the Church

This is an excerpt from a post I wrote a couple years ago, but never posted:

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Did you know that Mother's Day is called Mother's Day and not Mothers' Day?

(note the placement of the apostrophe in Mother's).

That was done on purpose when Mother's Day was invented, because it was meant for each of us to celebrate our mothers individually within our own families, not meant to be a corporate celebration of all mothers worldwide.  I'm serious....look it up.  

Did you hear that, oh ye churches of the world?  So, maybe you should stop making it a corporate celebration wherein all mothers stand and receive honor and glory and praise and applause and flowers, whilst us infertiles have to stay seated, trying to keep ourselves from becoming bawling buffoons just because we don't have working uteruses. (what is the plural of uterus?  uteri?)  But really, what do I know?  I skip church on Mother's Day. 

I do have a lot of serious thoughts about Mother's Day, and I am working through them all right now, trying to write up something coherent about it.  One thing that struck me this year was thinking about all the women from the Old Testament who would have also been left sitting in church on Mother's Day for most of their lives, had it existed at the time.  The Bible makes it very clear that God did not forget them.....so maybe the churches shouldn't forget them/us either.  And, I suppose they are not a bad camp of women to be among.

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It's been two years since I wrote that post.  And I guess now I have finally worked through my thoughts enough to write about them.  I'm sure that my feelings about Mother's Day will continue to evolve and that the future will bring continued healing. But, I'll never forget how hard Mother's Day was for me, and, for the sake of other people, I don't want to forget.

I think the church needs to rethink how we do Mother's Day.  Not all churches, but the church as a whole.  When you have a select group of people who feel that they need to avoid church on a certain day, and when church is the last place they want to be, I think that signals a problem. Our home church has come a long way on the topic and chooses to celebrate all women on this day, rather than just mothers.  I think with any celebration, we have to think about what we are saying and how it will effect an entire congregation.  And, while many will feel momentarily celebrated on Mother's Day, there are others who will just feel further isolation that will last far beyond that day. 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I don't think we should be celebrating Mother's Day in the church. (Who decided it needed to fall on a Sunday every year anyways?).  What other secular holiday, other than Father's Day, (which usually isn't made into as big of a deal) do we celebrate in the church?

I get that we want to honor the role of mothers in a world that sometimes devalues this calling.  But, I also believe that we need to speak truthfully about what it means to be a woman.  Motherhood is not our highest calling.  Following Jesus is.  And that calling is going to play out differently in each woman's life. Not every woman is called to be a mother, and not every woman is called to be a wife.  So, when we have a day in church where we honor mothers, and we do not have a day where we honor other women doing other work, we are elevating motherhood above anything else a woman might do. And this is especially painful for women who would love to be wives and mothers, but aren't for reasons beyond their control.

This is damaging.  I can say without hesitation that church was by far the most difficult place for me when we were walking through infertility and waiting to become parents, and not just on Mother's Day.  It is where I felt the least valued and the most insecure. I have talked to many people who have said the same thing, including single people. We've created a church culture that puts mothers and the nuclear family on display, and in a place where everyone is supposed to be included, many are excluded. 

So, as Mother's Day approaches, I am feeling a mixture of emotions. This day represented so much pain for me for so long, that I'm not walking into my first Mother's Day feeling light hearted and excited. I am thankful to be on this side, and I do want to celebrate this day with my family (and just my family). I am deeply, deeply grateful to be a mother now. But, I also want to remember those who are hurting, and I do not want or need to be publicly celebrated at their expense.

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Silas: Eight Month Update

This time, I got in on the action....

These monthly posts are getting more and more difficult (but fun too) with this squirmy little guy. He is much more interested in crawling off the chair to grab the camera than he is in posing. But, seriously....the kid can't take a bad picture.
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