January 3, 2013

December and a Little Year End Reflection

And so we move on to 2013, and I am so ready. Of course there were many blessings, but 2012 was not my best year. Something about mourning on a monthly basis just isn't all that fun. But, in the middle of the struggle and grief, I have experienced God in ways I never would have without the pain.  He has been faithful even through my confusion and anger towards Him.  As challenging of a lesson as it is, I am slowly, and somewhat begrudgingly, learning to trust him in all of the areas of my life that I cannot control.  And the older I get, the more I discover just how little control I actually have.

Nick and I talk on a regular basis about how we like who and what we are being made into, in spite of and because of our struggles.  We are changed.  We are different...very different than we were 4 years ago before things got hard.  I'm not there yet.  Pain and struggle can bring out an ugly, selfish side of me that I am not proud of, and sometimes I'm too absorbed in my own pain to see anything or anyone else.  But, I can see who I will be when this is all said and done, who I am becoming, and I like her.  There will be wounds that have healed and scars that remain, and I will be better and stronger for it.

So, I am looking forward to 2013. We have some new news on the fertility front (finally) that's hopefully hopeful, so I am cautiously optimistic about what this new year will bring.  And even if this year does not bring a baby, I hope to find more joy in the many smaller blessings that God pours out on us.

Happy 2013!


  1. Oh Mindy, you are also such a good writer! I understand your pain so very well and I too felt self absorbed and unable to see anything else or anyone else during my YEARS of infertility. It is unreal and not easily understood by others. When we were in Santa Barbara, our church had such a limited understanding of this kind of pain which only intensified my own. But God was faithful and He did not allow me to harden my heart toward Him...only toward THEM! lol. But I was also very vocal about what I thought they needed to learn so that others would not be hurt by them as I was. Even Mother's Day was SO HARD at CHURCH! And while I did not want to take away other people's joy, I wanted to be validated that HELLO there are also people like ME who the whole PROCREATE thing that was promised AIN'T HAPPENING! So I also told that to pastors at other churches because we suffer ALONE and in SILENCE. Even today with the blessing of Bella, my heart still hurts on that day at church because I am so familiar with that pain and my compassion for others runs deep. It is important for pastors to acknowledge that it's not a happy day for everyone. But don't be too hard on yourself, Mindy. Our God CAN handle ALL of you even your emotions. He made you, Honey, and He will not abandon you. I also like the person you are becoming...before and after. But you do have an inner beauty that is already shining through your pain and that to me is evidence of God's loving fingerprints on your life! You Are Even More Beautiful! OXOOXOX♥

  2. Dear Nick and Mindy--rich blessings in 2103. . .thanks for sharing the nitty gritty of life, Mindy; I enjoy reading your blog thoughts and am often challenged by what you share.
    ahh,how closely connected is the joy and sorrow in this broken world. as I sit over coffee with women, I am reminded that pain and sorrow is a common denominator for us all-it looks different in each life, sometimes we share similar pain. Last week I sat with a woman who told me that her husband of 10 years told her that he no longer loves her. . .ah, my heart breaks for her and we pray together that she will cling to the Savior.
    this year I'm thinking about and praying that Psalm 131 will be a reality in my own life, that God would work humility in me when I don't understand his ways. Sorry for the wordy comment--I'll just send it on with prayers for you and Nick in the new year--and with love from Texas and beyond.